Mutti and Vatti have left the building! they left at around 3 p.m. to go to New Manila n' visit one of our crazy relatives. i was supposed to go, but then ate decided to stay at home, and so [being the loyal and loving sister that i SO am :))] i decided to stay home to. ok! lets cut the bullcrap, i decided to stay home coz i am so freakin' tired, and frankly, without my dear sister, going to some god forsaken village in the middle of conoticerz city, would be nothing short of torture and absolute damnation. not that i don't enjoy being with the other familia membroze... talia's okay, just as long as she doesn't adopt the trying-so-hard-to-still-be-kiddie-so-she-keeps-on-whinning-in-that-pacute-voice-even-though-halatang-matanda-na-siya-routine. and contrary to popular belief, mum's quite alright, but then there ARE the constant biatch fits, and fits of not-so-very-righteous-indignation. dad's not half bad, but really, when a person's been absent half of your life, you really don't have much in common, now, do you? pero masaya kasama si daddy, especially when we talk about music [elvis, josh, john, and everybody else in between], national geographic [and that's why, _____'s BUILT FOR THE KILL], and the iron chef [who shall reign supreme?!] and when he's unusually generous. lola? ...hm... don't get me started. i've never been good at dealing with the older settov feefol, but we do get along splendidly. so here i am, stuck in the house without much to do.

I've just finished reading Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho. For the past few weeks I've been feeling a bit rotten, and yesterday, the climax to this sudden series of depressing days came. I made the fatal decision to terminate my "career" [if you can call it that] as a public servant [pucha, yabang ko ha! :)) ]. But after reading Monsieur Coelho's work, I couldn't help but become a little bit inspired. Feelings so very close to joy and clarity crept into my heart. doubts concerning my earlier decision about my "career" appeared out of nowhere [and i can't really say that the sudden appearance of such doubts are tragic or unwanted]. There were quite a lot of passages in the book that struck me dumb. One of the lines that got me thinking the most is this one: "The two hardest tests in the spiritual road: the patience to wait for the right moment and THE COURAGE NOT TO BE DISAPPOINTED WITH WHAT YOU ENCOUNTER." i've been ever so ready to quit this road and shite because of the many disappointing facts that have reached my ears about my batchmates. but after perusing that line... wala lang... naalala ko tuloy ung sinabi ng friend ko: "ba't di ka magtrabaho hanggang sa hindi na sila maging disappointing?"

but like i said in my last entry, i have a strong belief that this sudden moment of inspiration will be brief and short. for a while i'll think na, yes, i have what it takes to continue. but the new morning will come and then i'll go back to my old way of thinking. i am not enough, and i shall never be. and for once, [despite the fact that i am a competetive person who does her best in everything and never gives up] i'm content. i'm letting go, because i know its impossible to do what i want to. i'm going to Bohol tomorrow, to go and swim with the Butandings, and soak up the warmth of the sun. i'll be back on the 24th... [as if may nagbabasa ng blog ko anoh?! :)) ] anyway, that's all for now.

"I would say that if someone only has a short time to live and decides to spend that time sitting beside a bed, watching a man sleeping, then that must be love. I'd go even further: if, during that time, that person has a heart attack, but sits on in silence, just so as to remain close to the man, I would say that such love had a lot of potential for growth." -Zedka to Veronika, as Veronika watches over Eduardo in Vilette. 'Veronika Decides to Die' by Paulo Coelho