[Spanish/French/Russian/Mexican Accent]
Joaquin Faustino Lopez-Tan. hmm... i'm not even sure if i remember all of his names or if i even remember correctly the ones i think/believe i remember... hahehaheheha.
preprom night was... better than expected. i had prepared my self for the worst--an evil sonofa...mother, a jerk, a drug addict, an obnoxious airhead. but nothing could have prepared me for chino.
...he was nice. well... nicer than any other guy i've met [except for kuya bri who's like... the epitome of asteegness. but he really doesn't count since he's ate's friend not mine]. he was such a gentleman--courteous, sweet, caring, and thoughtful [1. he opened the car door for moi 2. bought me drinks and sorbetes ==> yes there wuz zorbetez in the partei 3. bought sorbetes for my friends AND their dates 4. was game enough to play truth or dare with my barkada <<==inna, someday i WILL strangle you in your sleep 5. was very concerned with tasia <<== she wasn't feeling well 6. kept on telling me not to finish my drink as i may not feel well the following day (which is to-day) 7. shook hands with and greeted every single person i introduced him to 8. talked to my friends' date (he got along well with ze butch-er-oid) 9. made-hawi all the plants and bushes that were in the way 10. never leaves me alone (except when he has to go to the loo) 11. got a chair for andy as she and nica were sharing a single chair and he observed zat zei were a vit uncomfortab-le) 12. when mutti arrived he asked moi to stay in ze clubhouse's entranz und RAN (yes, RAN. i remember justin saying: oy, pucha tumatakbo para sa yo oh!) to his el camino to get this flower he bought for moi 13. kissed moi (cheek smackerz only. fu-leease. i zoo not do funny kizzy-kizzy bizness) uft-ah he gave me ze flowe-er 14. walked me to mutti's car (which was all the way in ze ozer side of the... sider ==>>sometimes mutti can be SO transparent) 15. said good night and kissed me [of course, cheek smackerz once again] before i got in the car 16. texted me when he got home to say thank you too and good night again]
so... its quite obvious zat he is muchos muchos sweet and very muchos muchos romantic material. BUT. hrmm...
[accents stop here]
[back to normal mode]
i just wish we could talk about a whole lot more stuff. we... always run out of things to say. and there were... awkward silences. muchos awkward [wherein we look around, zen we accidentally look at each other and for lack of something substantial to say, we just zmile].
he's not the type of person to really intiate conversation or supply topics to dwell upon. he's more of the, ask-me-anything-and-i'll-just-answer type of guy. he's not madaldal. and that's actually a bad thing since i tend to be really quiet around guys i don't know that much. [especially if they're NOT the prospects/boy friends of my buddies]. sigh...
i hope. i hope. i hope. i don't fall for him. as i am sure i am muchos muchos NOT his type of girl.
erggg... stomach not good. i don't think butterflies and alcohol mix well... i want to throw up. throw up, throw up, throw up... till my guts spill out and i look like an anorexic model...
huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! he said.. he said.. talk to you tomorrow. ...what does THAT mean??
"and you can slit my throat, and with my last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt" -Taking Back Sunday
<12:40>
shite.
just came from the family council meeting, was coerced into giving an impromptu update/report regarding the Juniors' Night [was shaking to the tips of my toes as Sr. Carla and the fam coun president were there. grrrr.]
went straight to my room when we got home and checked my telly. received 3 messages[nearly got a heart attack coz of excitement and kilig chills]. hahoheheho. this incident only proves that i am a pathetic, stinking freakazoid, wishful thinker. 2 of the messages came from globe [yehess, ultimate text mate!] and the other from ali. yes, my heart plummeted to my nether regions and i finally took off the pink shades covering my eyes.
absolute shite.
i'd say that this has a 100% concentration of absolute shiteness.
"talk to you tomorrow." ==> not to be confused with ==> "i want to talk to you some more."
"let's talk tomorrow" is just a polite statement. nobody means it when they say it. [especially men. especially men like him.]
grr... sigh... grr...
murder me now, have pity on my restless soul.
wanna cry but i can't. depressed and feeling utterly lonely. dejected and sad. but i need to be realistic. i need to remind my self that i am an obese, short, ugly, awkward adolescent and no boy in his right mind would like me for who i am. i am stupid, not fun to be with, evil. and i will die a virgin. YEAH! MABUHAY ANG TEORYANG NATURALISMO AT EKSISTENTYALISMO!
he does not like me. he does not care for me. its all just a ruse. pretense. a facade.
ITS NOT REAL.
HE'S NOT REAL.
DON'T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF.
OR YOU'LL
FALL
FLAT
ON
YOUR
...
HINNY.
Giselle Mikhaela Crisostomo Enriquez, what the hell have you been thinking for the past 12 hours?! utter nonsense! stop it! you must cease and desist at once!
[==>> tears start to fall somewhere around here <<==]
shiteness. i am so fucking dramatic. but really...
ahaay. bahala na. i've known him for what? 12 hours? and already i'm going gaga over this just coz he's the first non relative of mine guy to ever kiss me on the cheek? just coz he's the only guy i know who actually pulls my chair before i sit down? the world is full of men like him. guys like him are a dime a dozen. gallantry and chivalry are overrated.
this thing... is just... new to me.
that's why...
i'm so affected.
BAKIT BA AKO NAAPEKTUHAN?! EH SIYA NGA FEELING KO NI HINDI NIYA AKO INIISIP! PUTEK, BAKA NGA PINAGTATAWANAN PA AKO NUN EH! i hate this. i hate this feeling...
stop.
must think positive.
i am pretty! oh so pretty! i am pretty, and witty, and gay!
du-uh! bakit ko ba gustong makipagusap sa kanya? eh its so awkward naman, speaking to him. its so freakin' difficult to watch every single freakin word that comes outta your mouth, so freakin' hard to check that every single text message makes sense. poo-tah talaga!
and as if may gusto naman akong sabihin sa kanaya anu-oh!
...i dreamt last night that i went to the prom with aidz coz chino backed out at the last minute. i asked aidz, "why aren't guys attracted to me?" i didn't hear him answer.
"she said: 'i've gotta be honest, you're wasting your time if you're fishing round here.'and i said 'you must be mistaken, cause i'm not fooling...this feeling is real'she said...she said: 'you gotta be crazy, what do you take me for...some kind of easy mark?'you've got wits...you've got looks, you've got passion but i swear that you've got me all wrong.
all wrong, all wrong...but you've got me."
-Dashboard Confessional
<13:14>
toot toot.
"ayy. may nagtext..?"
definitely no longer searching for utopia, an ergaslophobic student and aspiring thespian, a true blue Filipina and Assumptionist, existing in a state of utter discombobulation, *BROKE*, and fattening myself up in time for the next human sacrifice ritual in tondo, manila...
Stars and Nebulas
aLi
bea
cathy
caMs
[[twinstaR]]
[[fRienD]]
kaTrina
gaDDi
iSSa
jOnesie
[[myky]]
[[nica]]
pam
[[stephie]]
synty
[[tasia]]
trizza
wissa
Flight
Alanis Morissette
Carbon Stereoxide Studio Notes
Cold Play
Dashboard Confessional
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Haruki Murakami
Milk&Cereal
Miss Saigon
Paulo Coelho
Rent - the Musicale
Shawn Mullins
System of a Down
The Simpsons
The Sims
The Used
::Credits::
Image By:
|j3concepts|
Layout By:
|Niknoi|
||December 2004
|January 2005
|February 2005
|March 2005
|April 2005
|May 2005
|June 2005
==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==
life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...
so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.
let's limbo!
change is the only constant thing in life.
though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.
it is survival. it is evolution.
but then again,
what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?
what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?
how do we cope?
how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?
how do we stop misery?
how do we prolong happiness?
with a four millimeter bullet?
with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?
with prayer?
i don't know.
i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.
and i'm sure,
neither can you.
and it scares me.
it scares us.
that this we cannot understand.
everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.
but this,
this simple shift of light and darkness,
this slight distinction,
this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.
this indescribable phenomena.
this we cannot even begin to grasp.
illogical, senseless, strange, odd.
fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.
what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?
what is the real root? the common cause?
perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.
to not understand.
to be left in the dark.
doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.
this simplistic issue.
never to find a way to evolve around it.
but perhaps.... in this case,
evolution is not survival.
for if you can just grin and bear it.
take it for what it is.
let go of the logic behind it.
perhaps then, survival is possible.
change is not imperative.
accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.