whispers and other such inconspicuous things

Somewhere Along Limbo compassion - antipathy // animosity - love // redemption - down fall // truth - lies // shame - glory // happiness - dolor // significant - trivial // sophisticated - childlike // jaded - brighteyed // naive - cynical // vivid - vague // reality - fiction...

Thursday, January 13, 2005

dystopia

when everything you've ever dreamed for proves to be unattainable, and everything you dread comes your way; when you've had enough of the crappy side of life, but still, the shite keeps on coming... you know where you are: you are in dystopia.

i'm stuck here.

stuck in this demented hell hole, where eternal damnation isn't a firey place of molten rocks and magma. hell is a cold, lonely, isolated place that chills you till you can't even tell the difference between the rock hard saliva that's settled around your wind burned lips and the soft ruffle of ice forming a pool around your frozen boom-booms.

wehehe. don't worry, i'm aware that i am absolutely not making any sense. gawd, didn't know it was possible to be THIS fatigued. emotionally, mentally, and physically.

today was one of the longest days of my life. was awake till around 12:30 midnight as i had to study [even just a bit] for the world histo mid terms, and then there was the case of the missing bathing suit. grr. the elements seemed to have been conspiring against me. swimming wasn't entirely shite-eee, though it seemed as if we were doomed to freeze to death in the 0-degree-temperature water, i actually enjoyed this session ==>> as i have somehow finally [and miraculously] learned how to do the full breast stroke. i am a turd, hit me now.

the career talk was actually helpful. finally discarded the idea of taking up MBB ===>> it finally dawned on me that i do not have the patience to study for 10 long years, all alone in a stinky, damp laboratory, memorizing the phylum, genus, and watchamacolits of a being that i wouldn't [most probably] be able to see [in this lifetime] anyway. i also don't like bloody thingy-thingies so. MALAMANG... ^_^

i've given a lot of thought to taking up media production and advertising & public relations. don't know which would be my major though... but IF ever i go to ateneo, this might be my course. or i might choose a minor that's connected to business... para naman may kaunting utak sa kursong kukunin ko. hrrmm.... wanna take up psychology too, since it can be a pre-med/pre-law. but still... what if tamarin akong magcontinue to law? i don't think the philippines needs many psychologists... hrrmm, guess i'll have to think of another course.

aarggh... still clueless as to what i REALLY wanna be in the all too near future. but i am SURE of one thing: I WANT TO BE FILTHY RICH. [who doesn't?] and if i don't get into a nice cool or get a nice course, there's always plastic surgery and my... charms? hehe...

i'm excited na for tomorrow! we're gonna go to makati and alabang and shang for our ip. excited shmited! weeeeeeeh! no school for meekah!

"stars and dreams are only as distant as you allow them to be." -random thought that entered my mind one day when i drifted into the higher [or is it lower??] plane of catatonia.

Dream Sequence Terminated at 4:27:00 PM ===::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::===

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==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==

life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...

so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.

let's limbo!

change is the only constant thing in life.

though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.

it is survival. it is evolution.

but then again,

what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?

what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?

how do we cope?

how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?

how do we stop misery?

how do we prolong happiness?

with a four millimeter bullet?

with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?

with prayer?

i don't know.

i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.

and i'm sure,

neither can you.

and it scares me.

it scares us.

that this we cannot understand.

everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.

but this,

this simple shift of light and darkness,

this slight distinction,

this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.

this indescribable phenomena.

this we cannot even begin to grasp.

illogical, senseless, strange, odd.

fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.

what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?

what is the real root? the common cause?

perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.

to not understand.

to be left in the dark.

doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.

this simplistic issue.

never to find a way to evolve around it.

but perhaps.... in this case,

evolution is not survival.

for if you can just grin and bear it.

take it for what it is.

let go of the logic behind it.

perhaps then, survival is possible.

change is not imperative.

accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.