it is equally fantastical how... right after we cause a scene as we enact all of the aformentioned deeds of... non-peace, we slink back towards that sinking feeling of torpid insanity, depression, and utter dementia.
and just as christian and his crew of dimwits and hopeless romantics belted out in the garrish halls of the Moulin Rouge, i sing the words... "its a little bit funny, this feeling inside."
and it isn't just a LITTLE bit funny.
its god damned hilarious.
and utterly nonsensical.
~*~
it will forever haunt me. that night. that one night when all the other 174 young ladies in my batch transformed into luminous stars, and i... crumbled into a lightless speck of galactic space dust.
i will always look back at that night with these thoughts in mind: "what went wrong?" and "what ever happend to the man i met but a measely month before?"
and perhaps, as the years go by, and the decades pile up... i'd find a sorry excuse for him and his actions, and then i'd [hopefully] forget about everything and move on with my hapless existence.
if anybody asked me to rate the prom with regards to how beautifully the place was decorated, how scrumptious the food was, how smoothly the event went, it'd be a no brainer: i'd give it a ten out of ten. but if they asked me to rate the prom with regards to my own personal experience... no brainer pa rin. i'd give it a zero.
~*~
chelly gave me a melted twix bar today... probably a gift to comfort me, and take my mind off things. though it was crumbling to bits, molten to a mind boggling point, and it nearly choked the living day lights out of me, it was the sweetest-tasting twix bar that i've ever had the pleasure of placing inside my mouth.
we started finalizing the campaign mats today. our party will be dubbed 'soleil,' a foreign word for THE SUN. i've yet to get the full meaning of this term from inna, but i am vastly excited to hear about the rest of her plans later on. perhaps i should get off the computer and start working on my acads and extracuric... yes, i must. i AM still LIVING in reality, unfortunately.
i have a lot of things to pray for, and ask intercession from the Holy Mother for. mwahaha. but on the plus side, i have just as much things to thank for, and appreciate. God is good. i'll never forget. ;)
~*~
at first i was afraid, i was petrified!kept thinking i could never live w/o you by my side
but then i spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong
and i grew strong, and i learned how to get along!
and so you're back, from outer spacei just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
i should have changed that stupid lock
i should have made you leave your key
if i had known for just one second that you'd be back to bother me
oh now go!
walk out the door!
just turn around now,
coz you're not welcome anymore!
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good bye?
you think i'd crumble,
you think i'd lay around and die?
oh no not i!
i will survive!
oh as long as i know how to love i know i'd stay alive,
i've got all my life to live
and i've got all my love to give
i will survive, i will survive, YEAH YEAH!
-Gloria Gaymore [...? mwahahaha...]
~*~
oh kay bilis namang maglaho ng pagibig mo sinta,
daig mo pang isang kisap mata...
kanina'y nariyan lang oh ba't bigla na lang nawala?
daig mo pang isang kisap mataaaaa...
-Rivermaya, nung astig pa sila. astig pa rin, pero hindi na masyado...
and i'd just like to say...
oo maganda ang first impression. but if the situation deteriorates with each moment that passes by... i'd rather that the first impression be the last impression a person makes on me. at least that way, though we never meet again, the mental image of that person in my mind would be exceptionally wonderful.
if only it all ended last january, then perhaps i'd still have the same alcoholic butterflies in my stomach everytime i think about mr. ningas cugon / kaching-kaching / barney.
in any case, i've learned my lesson. graduate na ako sa mga gentleman for one night only.
maybe i should have just met him for the first time yesterday. perhaps then, i would have had a much more enjoyable night.
~*~
on a lighter note, i had fun yesterday night because of my batchmates. they all made me so proud. everybody's growing up at such an alarmingly fast rate. need tah catch up, don't wanna get left behind ;)
steph and jusjus looked absolutely cute together. they were just so comfortable with one another... super enviable. andy looked like a gypsy princess, and her date [though he seemed as if he was incapable of speech] seemed to be able to make her extremely happy. tasia was having a beautiful time with miles... i'm so glad they're back to normal bliss terms. inna looked stunning in her "impromptu" gown, and her date JJ made prom night entertaining, wacky, and enjoyable... though there were more than just a few times that he made absolutely hitting-below-the-belt lines. ian and myky were so sweet to each other... haay, the lovers nga naman. and nica and migs wouldn't get off the dancefloor! hahaha. they really partied the night away, and migs made nica so happy... yeah, he was uber nice! not to mention... pleasant looking. mwahahaha. and of course, twin star and glennoid looked absolutely top notch. yaher! models! mwahahaha.
as for me... i was locked up in a 700 foot tall tower with no food and water. i died more of boredom than starvation after 3 seconds.
mwahaha.
~*~
this will be the last night that i spend with you.
and though you qualify as one of the biggest weirdoes jerkoes i've ever known.
i still... in a way... like you like you.
and i'm hating myself for it.
but i know...
everything'll be alright.
coz time helps love fade away.
~*~
i'm anxious of what will happen next week. we've got dozens of tests, meetings for the medical dental mission preparations, and the campaign period for the SCAA thing.
i want to back out.... but... i don't want to break inna's heart.
its secretary or nothing... just as inna says.
coz i definitely do not want to go through another hell like this again. no matter how rewarding it is to see the look of satisfaction in the faces of others.
i AM selfish. and perhaps... next year, i'd like to find my own happiness and peace of mind before i bend over backwards for the sake of others.
i should be struck by lightning any time now... (bwahahaha)
besides, i don't think people would want me as an officer anymore. i've messed up pretty bad this year... and i don't think no one noticed.
~*~
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly...
-Brick by Ben Folds Five
nalalaman niyo ba kung bakit?
dahil.... purple ito.
ahaha... finally confirmed that the tie chino's gonna wear on friday's purple. oh well, i'll buy him a fuschia buttoneer. just to get even. mwaha.
we're smack right into all the "final" preparations for the prom.
got more than just a couple'o buttaflies down my tummy. i'm really nervous... but... i've done everything that i could.
its all in their hands.
and God's.
-amen- :))
~*~
Choose life.
Choose a job.
Choose a career.
Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television.
Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers.
Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance.
Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments.
Choose a starter home.
Choose your friends.
Choose leisure wear and matching luggage.
Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.
Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future.
Choose life.
But who would I want to do a thing like that?
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else.
And the reasons?
There are no reasons
-from the movie Trainspotting
i got into an accident during our lab class today, and now... my left hand's covered in petroleum jelly and swathes of cloth and masking tape! mwahahaha... kat and i were fixing our bunsen burner and test tube set up when the tube slipped. i grabbed it, partly out of instinct (since i did not wish to see the test tube shatter into a thousand spar-ka-la-ee smithereens), and also because i had rationalized that since it was only the butt of the test tube that's been heating over the burner all that time, it would be totally alright to allow it's surface to come in contact with my bare skin.
needless to say, and quite obviously... i was wrong. tee-hee!
so right now, i'm typing at the speed of a hippo driving a rickety pre-world-war-one rickshaw, using only seven of my fingers (fortunately, my left hand's middle and pinky fingers escaped the wrath of the sizzling test tube) to type all the documents and stuffee-toes that i need to... type.
haay...
so many things have gone wrong this week.
but the funny thing is...
i feel happier right now, perhaps more than i ever did in the past. i feel light, optimistic, and refreshed.
i wonder why... :)
~*~
I feel stupid - but I think I been catchin' on
I feel ugly - but I know I still turn you on
You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
Will that whole mad season knock you down
So are you gonna stand there
Are you gonna help me out
You need to be together now
I need you now
Do you think you can cope
You figured me out - I'm lost and I'm hopeless
Bleeding and broken - though I've never spoken
I come undone - in this mad season
Now I'm cryin' - isn't that what you want
I'm tryin' to live my life on my own
But I won't
At times - I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I, I, I feel stupid
And I came undone
-Matchbox 20's Mad Season
Tenderheart Bear
You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.
at first i did not fully comprehend the reason as to why these people were behaving so... "un-normally". and then izza sniggered, laughed, and shouted: "MAGMUMUKHA KAYONG TALONG... na may amag sa tabi coz of the blue corsage."
then it hit me:
ooh mah holy shite! not only will we look like a couple of fried, hepatitic eggplants, i'll look like a freakin' GLOBE... deep green and blue... great, now all that's left is to paste an imaginary equator around my hips and thighs!
shoot... I. DO. NOT. HAVE. TIME. TO. SEE. TO. SUCH. A. SEE-MING-LY. IN-SIG-NI-FI-CANT. MAT-TER!
and truthfully, i have no idea how to break it to him! so... the only solution is..... to buy him a tie.
shoot.
wala na akong pera.
oh well,
malate, red light district! here i come.
hahaha...
STARVATION IS THE ONLY ANSWER.
~*~
ohright... MAYBE i'm over-reacting... its JUST a tie! i mean... c'mon! the important thing is to have fun during the whole night, and obtain a magnificent experience from the whole event.
yeah...
that is so...
TRUE.
....not!!!
i am a shallow bitch. shoot me down and feed me to the dogs, why dontcha?
~*~
Oh I really should have known,
By the time you drove me home,
By the vagueness in your eyes,
Your casual good-byes,
By the chill in your embrace,
The expression on your face, that told me,
Maybe you might have,
some advise to give,
on how to be, insensitive.
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart it's a crime, to fall in love again?
Well you prob'bly won't remember me,
It's prob'bly ancient history,
I'm one of the chosen few,
Who went ahead and fell for you,
I'm out of bold, I'm out of touch,
I fell too fast, I feel too much,
I thought that you might have,
some advise to give,
on how to be, insensitive...
-Jann Arden's Insensitive
==>>absolute mush oldschool songs... yeah, perfect for purple ties and broken dreams...
ngayon ko lang napansin... purple pala ang font ng blog posts ko.
AMAZING!
mwahahaha...
ooh shite. i'm in deep twouble nowwww!
oh and... before i forget... he looked really good yesterday. ika nga ng isa kong kaibigang hindi ko na pangangalanan sa post na ito--makalaglag panty! mwahaha. ookay, he wasn't THAT extremely handsome... but (in my opinion) he looks better in casual clothing. more approachable, kumbaga.
the only thing i'm really really worrying about right now... is that he (kung hindi pa ako nabibingi) plans to wear a purple tie. YES, PURPLE. which is soooooooooo malayo sa deep green. tas he wants to buy a BLUE corsage. ...i haven't the heart to tell him anything.. hoo well... god will provide? ahaha.
here's to tomorrow!
~*~
Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.
-a scene from one of my all time favorite movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
and it kills you...
or at least,
a part of you.
and you know that though he didn't notice, and that he'd treat you the selfsame way for all the eternities to come, you'll forever feel weird, and awkward around him.
because you know you loved him.
and it doesn't matter that much all the same.
1. left the house at 12:30 ==> dad dropped us [ate and me] off at galle, then he dropped mutti & talia at tita peanut's pad, then he went to the range to... golf.
2. arrived in galle at 1:29 ==> "escorted" ate to starbucks, found my barkada at yoshinoya, met chino there... just hanged out and lazed around the mall with the peeps, ate strawberry ice monster with chino, went to the ortho, went to national to buy donations for log com, bumped into nica, bumped into nica's jiggy, and just before we left... saw former crushes walking around in galle
3. got picked up by dad around 4:00
4. went to riverbanks to buy pirated dvds [ehehe]
5. watched a dog show [i want a dobberman!!!!!!!!! rawr! haha... personal body guard]
6. tapos... uwi na! :))
haay... i'm so happy coz... hindi na ako kinikilig kay mr. kaching-kaching... pero its sorta like a double edged sword... i don't like him like him anymore... and it kinda saddens me, just a bit.
but hey! ...its all good.
~*~
mutti called the admu admissions office, they said i'm only wait listed. and she said: WAIT LISTED KA LANG NAMAN PALA EH. i wanted to shout out: SORRY THIRD YEAR LANG EH! 3/4 of the test nga i didn't even understand... hoo well...
they say prayer works well in dire situations.
i'd say this situation is definitely dire.
~*~
"Tatawa tayo sabay seryoso
Unti unti kang nakikilala,
ang sarap sarap mo palang kasama
Dati kasi, tahimik ka lang palagi
Ngunit ngayong gabi,
parang kay rami rami mo nang sinabi
Kwentuhan lang, wala namang masama
Oh usap lang, ibaon muna sa limot ang lungkot
Dahil gusto kitang makilala't makasama"
-Sugarfree's Kwentuhan
==>>meekah's crooning to ebe's words. haay. i can relate anuoh?! ahaha...
1. take a bath at around 11 am
2. get into mum's car and go to galle
3. buy caramel sundae at mcdonald's to make myself happier
4. meet my friends at around 1:05 pm
5. buy decor materials at national (buy pulp at filbar's if still got money)
6. meet my date at 1:30 pm
7. go to the ortho at 3 pm
8. go home at 4 pm [as my father vehemently believes that the moro islamic liberation front or the abusayaf or the jemaah islamiyah would, some time today, bomb metro manila, so therefore i must leave galle as soon as possible]
9. create english paper once i get home
10. finish world histo homework, once i finish my english paper
11. follow up on the script for the hosts, and batch video
12. follow up on english group proj
13. follow up on med dental com heads
14. follow up on logcom subcom heads
15. sleep and eat somewhere in between all these ma-zhite-zkeez
~*~
"I don't practice Santeria
I ain't got no crystal ball"
-Sublime
...i wish i had though...
AM I NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY EVEN AT LEAST 2 CONSECUTIVE HOURS OF EXTREME HAPPINESS?!
when i'm uber angry with my parents [especially with my mom] i usually resort to 2 things to release the negative vibes running 'round my whole being: a. i play really loud, highly amplified, mad rock music and shut up and b. i take out this tattered old box from my closet, open it, and read all the birthday cards they wrote me in the past. it kinda reminds me that somewhere inside their irritatingly bossy, strict, stupid, and senseless yokoravatoekikies, they still care for me... or at least they go to extraordinary pains and means to pretend to feel so.
i'm angry with my mom right now.
so i'm listening to the "rock channel" of messenger.
i was so happy just a while ago. then she had to come, and rain shit down on all my plans for tomorrow.
AS IF MAY GAGAWIN AKONG KAGAGUHAN WITH MY FRIENDS RIGHT? AND AS IF HINDI PA NIYA KILALA SI CHINO! GRRRRRR! ULTIMATE RAWR MOMENT!
what the hell does she want to say to chino anyway? sobrang desperadong makita si chino.... isang malaking KALABUAN!
~*~
at dahil sa sobrang naasar ako ngayong kasalukuyang panahon ay... dalawa ang kantang ilalagay ko dito.
"If this doesn't make you smile
You don't have to cry
If this isn't making sense
It doesn't make it lies..."
-Soundgarden's Superunknown
"Don't the best of them bleed it out
While the rest of them peter out?"
-Foo Fighters' My Hero
well,
sumisikat na ang araw sa mga third year!
haha...
had a late afternoon meeting with the prom com heads today. we followed up on a lot of things, and it seems as if we have one long 180 hours ahead of us. we still have to settle and finalize a staggering number of details, and prepwork, still a countless other things to attend to before we're home free. but unlike the meetings that we had in the past, i didn't feel depressed, or sad afterwards. hope has sprung anew, and hope guides me...
the awe-inspiring picture painted by more than fifty of my batchmates working at the penthouse, helping in the production of decorations and other ornamental tidbits... that picture, that sight, is priceless.
i love my batch so very much. :)
and they have painted the smile back on my face.
ali showed us a segment of the video that we're going to show during prom night. it was so amazing--poignant, endearing, touching, and entertaining. i'm sure everybody will love it, just as much as the com heads and i did. [though it wasn't editted or produced by a professional network or company. yeah ali, asteeg ka pare! ;D]
here comes the sun!
~*~
Little darlin' the smile's returning to their faces
Little darlin' it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
-George Harrison
but i will never ever forget... how hurtful those things she said to me that day were. well at least... not in this bout of forever.
i cried... yet again... today. i was just so frustrated with aleli. i never thought she was like that. well... rae hasn't changed. a bit. ever since our grade school days. haay... some people can be extremely weird in extremely inconvenient moments and situations.
...nothing exciting happend today. the ultimate challenge was a flop. didn't have fun AT ALL. wasn't able to swim... so i felt uber sticky the whole day coz i was wearing a bathing suit underneath my jazz pants and shirt. agh, and the pool management people were so mean. they wouldn't allow us to use the pool after the activity.... rawr.
haay.
i feel: depressed, stupid, weak, fatigued, emotionally drained, hurt, unhappy, and worst of all... disappointed.
i'd rather feel suicidal than disappointed. when someone just doesn't turn out to be the way you thought they were, it just hurts too much.
words cannot even begin to express just how intense the feeling is.
~*~
heed my words,
listen to advice
you don't need to run away and take your life
no you can't live this way.
saw you go for miles and miles
and miles and miles and miles
destination nowhere, no means or how
so you go for miles and miles
soul searching, soul searching
for how...
just take a look around
at the faces that you meet
`cause everybody's got their own pains like you and me
never fall away.
whatever you do choose life
the thoughts on your mind
choose life
wherever you go
choose life
choose life.
-Urban Dub's "Soul Searching"
you will never ever understand true pain, unless your own mother looks you in the eye and says with utter sincerity and feeling: 'something is wrong with you.'
and there it is.
it is a saddening thought... that the people who you usually would think would stand up for you and believe in you... are actually the people who believe that you're worth nil.
~*~
"it was you who first believed
in all that i was made to be
it was you looking in my eyes
you held my hand, and you showed me life
and i've never been the same
since you first believed..."
-Hoku's First Believed
~*~
btw,
i passed the ateneo junior summer seminar entrance test.
hello ateneo.
1. follow up/note down progress of the following: [for prom]
a. log com
-aleli & les: stage (stage decor and canopy)
-steph & elena: pic booth (tents, reg, car)
-kat & cara: registrar's (hollywood hills & buildings)
-pam: signboard
-ali: photo collage & pillars
-cai: canopy & other things
-yas: covers
b. sec com (c/o camille grantoza)
-usherettes
-security guards
-ballots & pens
-layout
-badges
c. prog com (c/o Kate Cembrano/Carol Quilantang)
-awards
-hosts
-script
d. exte com (c/o Nica Rodriguez)
-souvenirs
-prizes
e. docu com (c/o Izza Castelo)
-trixia: video
-jonesie: barkada stubs & reg book + pens
2. broadway for acad week
-finalize lights
-finalize props [c/o Pam/Hiyas]
-finalize sounds [c/o Nina]
-finalize bg [c/o Hiyas/Cams]
...sigh. though it sounds easy, the task of 'following up' on details is quite a feat. it takes, not only diplomacy and charisma, but also patience, perseverance, and a whole lotta kakapalan. i hate being makulit--always reminding people what to do, but STILL... SOMEBODY has to be irritatingly bossy and makulit, or else... *SIGH*
aah... there are times when i feel really giddy and excited about the prom; times when i feel good and confident that my batchmates and i would be able to finalize all the necessary details and tidbits of prepwork before the fateful day. but MOST of the time... i feel as if we're bound for nothing else but failure.
but i keep most of this to myself... i kid around, tell people everything's fine... but not really. when did every aspect of my life become alright anyway?
aaaahhhhhh.
if there are any kind souls out there... please... help?
perhaps an exception to that rule would be the holiday that most people are celebrating today... valentines. not only does it violate concession number 1 [no classes day--though our classes end earlier today, STILL... there ARE classes], and concession number 3 [if you're out with a guy/girl you're trying to impress, you can't really eat up that much], but also, the greater half of the world's human population DOES NOT get to practice concession number 4 [which is especially essential].
i'm tempted to say that its because some families are SO far apart, the fathers don't get to spend much time with their families, the mothers are away scrubbing the gluts of old ruggamuffins in some godforsaken first world country, and the children are frolickin in college. BUT sadly, it does not take dramatic soap-opera-ish situations like the aformentioned to "un-enable" concession number 4.
usually, its just another case of she likes him he doesn't like her or he likes her she doesn't like him. so a lot of us [yes, i feel your pain!] spend vday holed up in our dark depressing moldy rooms, eating junkfood, and watching re-runs of friends, the bold and the beautiful, bay watch, or old pinoy romantic flicks on cinemaone. and as we get another few pounds overweight, the apples of our eyes are out there seducing some other young buck, and basically being selfish cold hearted jerkazoids.
but i must ask: why?! why do we need to wallow in misery each and every vday that goes by in vain? we are young [okay, that really doesn't apply to ALL, but what the ei!], single, and independent! and we should be PROUD and happy!
at least hindi tayo gagastos ng limpaklimpak na salapi para sa isang gabi kung saan magbobolahan tayo at ang ating mga significant other. at saka hindi na tayo kailangan pang mag-ayos ng napakapormal at bongga para lang magpaganda para sa mga nilalang na hindi naman gaano mapapansin ang kaibahan ng itsura natin ng araw na ito sa mga nakalipas nang panahon.
duh-vah?
haha!
~*~
i have this strong feeling that he KNOWS. he knows EVERYTHING... probably he reads my blog [ookay, uber far-fetched pero whatever], or he's a psychic... pero super, ang lakas ng feeling ko.
just so you know dude... i'm over you! and you should be happy! one less psychotic stalker chick after ya. ;)
so don't get your head all inflated, ayt? you're cute, but not THAT cute.
...and happy valentines! enjoy your day with your... beautiful date.
~*~
wasn't able to greet my barkada happy valentines day. later. promise. ;p
God is GOOD, God is Great! mwahahaha.
~*~
"I am going to sit here with you by the river. If you go home to sleep, I will sleep in front of your house. And if you go away, I will follow you--until you tell me to go away. Then I'll Leave. But I have to love you for the rest of my life..." -By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept [Paulo Coelho]
just a few hours before the dreaded *deadline*
BUT
he doesn't like me like me.
which is PERFECTLY fine, by the way. ;)
since i DON'T like him like him...
at LEAST,
not ANYMORE.
~*~
went to shang with my family today. pigged out at mongkok, shopped [yehboi! bought new fatigue ballet flats! oh yeahhhh], and just basically wandered around shang[saw NICA dearest! mwamwamwah]. i got to talk to j.r. [therese's prom date <<== i am their matchmaker slash couples' therapist :))] and chino [my prom date, yehboi, special mention once again :)) ], two people i don't usually get to talk to.
nothing much happened today... pero i am so uber happy coz i got to buy the perfect ballet flats! yeh, mika is a happy girl.
oh, and happy rin ako coz iba na crush ko! :))
like they say, first love never dies. so balik nanaman ako kay... you know who... the man who must never be named. :))
~*~
"Parang atin ang gabi
Para bang wala tayong katabi
at tayo'y sumayaw na parang di na tayo
bibitaw!!!"
-Prom by Sugarfree
==>>excited na si meekah. bring it on, babe!
steph: "bakit kasi hindi na lang IKAW ang magtext sa kanya?"
giselle: "ayoko! it was my turn last week! i texted him last friday, saturday, AND sunday. AKO ung NAUNA sa lahat ng times na un. siya naman! ...i mean... if you were a guy, tas may girl na nagtetext palagi... wouldn't it be... weird?"
steph: "nga naman... eh pero.. bakit ba gusto mo siya mauna?"
giselle: "kasi... kasi... [nakakunot na forehead ko by this time] i want him to prove something."
steph: "feeling mo ba may gusto siya sa yo?"
giselle: "[ouch] oo! hindi! malay ko! GUSTO KO MALAMAN! gusto ko ng proweba... paghindi siya nagtext this weekend... it'll be easier for me para tapusin ito."
steph: "pano nun matatapos un?"
giselle: "kasi if he doesn't text this weekend... it means na wala lang sa kanya lahat ng ito. so ibig sabihin proven na na wala talaga... so... i can accept reality after this..."
steph: "aaah."
giselle: "mismo."
our conversaton went something like that...
so there...
i'm waiting... for a proof. evidence. fact.
i hope to God my first assumption was NOT correct.
[but why is it that even though his deadline's still tomorrow i already know FOR SURE that my first assumption is the ONLY correct CONCLUSION in this experiment?]
*sigh*
*blurb*
*~*
You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me
Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?
-Liz Phair's Extraordinary
i'm waiting for the impossible to happen.
hrmm... looks like this'll take a very long while.
Wait a minute man
You mispronounced my name
You didn't wait for all the information
Before you turned me away
Wait a minute sir
You kind of hurt my feelings
You see me as a sweet back-loaded puppet
And you've got meal ticket taste
-Right Through You by Alanis Morissette
i feel slightly better today, not only because of the invitations and the paper bags, but also coz i got good grades in my quizzes for today. geom was ayt, though i wasn't around during the lecture, and chem was more than fine. ;)
harum... still haven't had my period. 3 months na! aah.. i don't even FEEL like a girl anymore!!! murdacks... its either i'm pregnant [sinong ama?! :)) ] or... i've got cancer........................ aghh... maybe if i pray hard enough... ;p
i SO envy steph. everyday, well almost, she gets to talk to justin... tas ako... lintek... sunday fling! actually, hindi na nga sunday fling. the pattern was broken last sunday. i wonder if... hoo well nevermind! i hope fictional 3rd part girl doesn't exist... aghhers!
meanwhile: must concentrate on studies... and self. I AM VAIN. I AM CONFIDENT. I AM TOO CUTE TO BE REAL! ayt... that's going way too far :))
hrmm... i think i've stopped making sense now.
ta-ta!
"Oh I am just a friend
That's all I've ever been
Cause you don't know me..."
-You Don't Know Me by Jann Arden
featured in My Best Friend's Wedding's Original Sound Track
--uuy! bitter si meekah. mwahaha. yehboi, you gatch it right. my life's just another one of those bitter tragedies.
definitely no longer searching for utopia, an ergaslophobic student and aspiring thespian, a true blue Filipina and Assumptionist, existing in a state of utter discombobulation, *BROKE*, and fattening myself up in time for the next human sacrifice ritual in tondo, manila...
Stars and Nebulas
aLi
bea
cathy
caMs
[[twinstaR]]
[[fRienD]]
kaTrina
gaDDi
iSSa
jOnesie
[[myky]]
[[nica]]
pam
[[stephie]]
synty
[[tasia]]
trizza
wissa
Flight
Alanis Morissette
Carbon Stereoxide Studio Notes
Cold Play
Dashboard Confessional
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Haruki Murakami
Milk&Cereal
Miss Saigon
Paulo Coelho
Rent - the Musicale
Shawn Mullins
System of a Down
The Simpsons
The Sims
The Used
::Credits::
Image By:
|j3concepts|
Layout By:
|Niknoi|
||December 2004
|January 2005
|February 2005
|March 2005
|April 2005
|May 2005
|June 2005
==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==
life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...
so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.
let's limbo!
change is the only constant thing in life.
though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.
it is survival. it is evolution.
but then again,
what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?
what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?
how do we cope?
how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?
how do we stop misery?
how do we prolong happiness?
with a four millimeter bullet?
with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?
with prayer?
i don't know.
i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.
and i'm sure,
neither can you.
and it scares me.
it scares us.
that this we cannot understand.
everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.
but this,
this simple shift of light and darkness,
this slight distinction,
this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.
this indescribable phenomena.
this we cannot even begin to grasp.
illogical, senseless, strange, odd.
fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.
what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?
what is the real root? the common cause?
perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.
to not understand.
to be left in the dark.
doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.
this simplistic issue.
never to find a way to evolve around it.
but perhaps.... in this case,
evolution is not survival.
for if you can just grin and bear it.
take it for what it is.
let go of the logic behind it.
perhaps then, survival is possible.
change is not imperative.
accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.
