it is equally fantastical how... right after we cause a scene as we enact all of the aformentioned deeds of... non-peace, we slink back towards that sinking feeling of torpid insanity, depression, and utter dementia.
and just as christian and his crew of dimwits and hopeless romantics belted out in the garrish halls of the Moulin Rouge, i sing the words... "its a little bit funny, this feeling inside."
and it isn't just a LITTLE bit funny.
its god damned hilarious.
and utterly nonsensical.
~*~
it will forever haunt me. that night. that one night when all the other 174 young ladies in my batch transformed into luminous stars, and i... crumbled into a lightless speck of galactic space dust.
i will always look back at that night with these thoughts in mind: "what went wrong?" and "what ever happend to the man i met but a measely month before?"
and perhaps, as the years go by, and the decades pile up... i'd find a sorry excuse for him and his actions, and then i'd [hopefully] forget about everything and move on with my hapless existence.
if anybody asked me to rate the prom with regards to how beautifully the place was decorated, how scrumptious the food was, how smoothly the event went, it'd be a no brainer: i'd give it a ten out of ten. but if they asked me to rate the prom with regards to my own personal experience... no brainer pa rin. i'd give it a zero.
~*~
chelly gave me a melted twix bar today... probably a gift to comfort me, and take my mind off things. though it was crumbling to bits, molten to a mind boggling point, and it nearly choked the living day lights out of me, it was the sweetest-tasting twix bar that i've ever had the pleasure of placing inside my mouth.
we started finalizing the campaign mats today. our party will be dubbed 'soleil,' a foreign word for THE SUN. i've yet to get the full meaning of this term from inna, but i am vastly excited to hear about the rest of her plans later on. perhaps i should get off the computer and start working on my acads and extracuric... yes, i must. i AM still LIVING in reality, unfortunately.
i have a lot of things to pray for, and ask intercession from the Holy Mother for. mwahaha. but on the plus side, i have just as much things to thank for, and appreciate. God is good. i'll never forget. ;)
~*~
at first i was afraid, i was petrified!kept thinking i could never live w/o you by my side
but then i spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong
and i grew strong, and i learned how to get along!
and so you're back, from outer spacei just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
i should have changed that stupid lock
i should have made you leave your key
if i had known for just one second that you'd be back to bother me
oh now go!
walk out the door!
just turn around now,
coz you're not welcome anymore!
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good bye?
you think i'd crumble,
you think i'd lay around and die?
oh no not i!
i will survive!
oh as long as i know how to love i know i'd stay alive,
i've got all my life to live
and i've got all my love to give
i will survive, i will survive, YEAH YEAH!
-Gloria Gaymore [...? mwahahaha...]
~*~
oh kay bilis namang maglaho ng pagibig mo sinta,
daig mo pang isang kisap mata...
kanina'y nariyan lang oh ba't bigla na lang nawala?
daig mo pang isang kisap mataaaaa...
-Rivermaya, nung astig pa sila. astig pa rin, pero hindi na masyado...
definitely no longer searching for utopia, an ergaslophobic student and aspiring thespian, a true blue Filipina and Assumptionist, existing in a state of utter discombobulation, *BROKE*, and fattening myself up in time for the next human sacrifice ritual in tondo, manila...
Stars and Nebulas
aLi
bea
cathy
caMs
[[twinstaR]]
[[fRienD]]
kaTrina
gaDDi
iSSa
jOnesie
[[myky]]
[[nica]]
pam
[[stephie]]
synty
[[tasia]]
trizza
wissa
Flight
Alanis Morissette
Carbon Stereoxide Studio Notes
Cold Play
Dashboard Confessional
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Haruki Murakami
Milk&Cereal
Miss Saigon
Paulo Coelho
Rent - the Musicale
Shawn Mullins
System of a Down
The Simpsons
The Sims
The Used
::Credits::
Image By:
|j3concepts|
Layout By:
|Niknoi|
||December 2004
|January 2005
|February 2005
|March 2005
|April 2005
|May 2005
|June 2005
==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==
life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...
so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.
let's limbo!
change is the only constant thing in life.
though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.
it is survival. it is evolution.
but then again,
what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?
what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?
how do we cope?
how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?
how do we stop misery?
how do we prolong happiness?
with a four millimeter bullet?
with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?
with prayer?
i don't know.
i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.
and i'm sure,
neither can you.
and it scares me.
it scares us.
that this we cannot understand.
everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.
but this,
this simple shift of light and darkness,
this slight distinction,
this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.
this indescribable phenomena.
this we cannot even begin to grasp.
illogical, senseless, strange, odd.
fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.
what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?
what is the real root? the common cause?
perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.
to not understand.
to be left in the dark.
doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.
this simplistic issue.
never to find a way to evolve around it.
but perhaps.... in this case,
evolution is not survival.
for if you can just grin and bear it.
take it for what it is.
let go of the logic behind it.
perhaps then, survival is possible.
change is not imperative.
accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.