but i will never ever forget... how hurtful those things she said to me that day were. well at least... not in this bout of forever.
i cried... yet again... today. i was just so frustrated with aleli. i never thought she was like that. well... rae hasn't changed. a bit. ever since our grade school days. haay... some people can be extremely weird in extremely inconvenient moments and situations.
...nothing exciting happend today. the ultimate challenge was a flop. didn't have fun AT ALL. wasn't able to swim... so i felt uber sticky the whole day coz i was wearing a bathing suit underneath my jazz pants and shirt. agh, and the pool management people were so mean. they wouldn't allow us to use the pool after the activity.... rawr.
haay.
i feel: depressed, stupid, weak, fatigued, emotionally drained, hurt, unhappy, and worst of all... disappointed.
i'd rather feel suicidal than disappointed. when someone just doesn't turn out to be the way you thought they were, it just hurts too much.
words cannot even begin to express just how intense the feeling is.
~*~
heed my words,
listen to advice
you don't need to run away and take your life
no you can't live this way.
saw you go for miles and miles
and miles and miles and miles
destination nowhere, no means or how
so you go for miles and miles
soul searching, soul searching
for how...
just take a look around
at the faces that you meet
`cause everybody's got their own pains like you and me
never fall away.
whatever you do choose life
the thoughts on your mind
choose life
wherever you go
choose life
choose life.
-Urban Dub's "Soul Searching"
definitely no longer searching for utopia, an ergaslophobic student and aspiring thespian, a true blue Filipina and Assumptionist, existing in a state of utter discombobulation, *BROKE*, and fattening myself up in time for the next human sacrifice ritual in tondo, manila...
Stars and Nebulas
aLi
bea
cathy
caMs
[[twinstaR]]
[[fRienD]]
kaTrina
gaDDi
iSSa
jOnesie
[[myky]]
[[nica]]
pam
[[stephie]]
synty
[[tasia]]
trizza
wissa
Flight
Alanis Morissette
Carbon Stereoxide Studio Notes
Cold Play
Dashboard Confessional
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Haruki Murakami
Milk&Cereal
Miss Saigon
Paulo Coelho
Rent - the Musicale
Shawn Mullins
System of a Down
The Simpsons
The Sims
The Used
::Credits::
Image By:
|j3concepts|
Layout By:
|Niknoi|
||December 2004
|January 2005
|February 2005
|March 2005
|April 2005
|May 2005
|June 2005
==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==
life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...
so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.
let's limbo!
change is the only constant thing in life.
though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.
it is survival. it is evolution.
but then again,
what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?
what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?
how do we cope?
how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?
how do we stop misery?
how do we prolong happiness?
with a four millimeter bullet?
with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?
with prayer?
i don't know.
i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.
and i'm sure,
neither can you.
and it scares me.
it scares us.
that this we cannot understand.
everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.
but this,
this simple shift of light and darkness,
this slight distinction,
this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.
this indescribable phenomena.
this we cannot even begin to grasp.
illogical, senseless, strange, odd.
fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.
what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?
what is the real root? the common cause?
perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.
to not understand.
to be left in the dark.
doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.
this simplistic issue.
never to find a way to evolve around it.
but perhaps.... in this case,
evolution is not survival.
for if you can just grin and bear it.
take it for what it is.
let go of the logic behind it.
perhaps then, survival is possible.
change is not imperative.
accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.