haven't much to write. 'cept that i've finished the two novels i purchased last tuesday. SIGH. if books weren't so damned expensive, i'd buy one every single day.
funny, reading 'The City of Ember' took me longer than reading 'The Prize,' which was five times longer (at least) than the former. i guess i'm not really into prose that tackles almostadultkiddo fantasy storyline types. but although ember was not as entertaining as harry potter, i loved its plot so much more. its a sad story, sort of like a series of unfortunate events meets the books of magic, meets... fugitive pieces. haha. can't really explain that much. its a good read, and i can't wait to get a hand on a copy of the next installment.
got home at around twelve in the afternoon. we weren't able to practice at the assumpta theater because of the gr 7 grad runs that were taking place. so there wasn't really any point to detain us any longer. ms olalde dismissed us promptly by recess time, we discussed some other things, played lotsa rounds of pusoy and tongits, swapped wavs and amrs via bluetooth, and just horsed around. hahoo... i saw inna at school too, fixing some of the details that were needed for our programs for next year.
harruumm...
~*~
"Black as sleep and deep as dreaming,
Darkness like an endless night.
Yet within the streets of Ember
Bright and bravely shines our light..."
-City of Ember written by Jeanne DuPrau
~*~
"It started out with a kiss,
How did it end up like this?"
hunhh...
just got to see the video of mr. brightside by
the Killers a while ago. manh... brandon flowers (yup, sadly that IS his real name) is so hott. hrmm...
its 2:15 p.m.
i just finished eating my kfc lunch with mutti and ate cheska. they brought home fast-food food coz we didn't have decent life enhancers here at home.
SIGH.
is it hot or what?!
i'm glad i didn't have to stay in school for long. yup, got that right, SCHOOL.
had to haul my ass up at a.a. this morning for the seniors' grad practice. nobody told me about it so i was still lazing around my room by eight o'clock, whence my dearest ever so lovely mutti promptly came barging into my room pestering me to join her and her... not so young buddies to play badminton, effectively rousing me from stupor. IF THERE'S ONE FORM OF EXERCISE I DETEST... its BADMINTON. i.so.totally.suck. after telling mom to get outta my room and leave me in peace for the nth time, i reached for my phone and was startled to see that i had 3 messages. one came from chelly asking if i was up, another from jj who was also asking if i was still conscious, and the last one came from lorsky, asking me to relay a message to ate marie. it went somethin like: please tell ate marie that i won't be able to attend later, i'm sick bla-bla-blah... and i'm like... wachooo say? ATTEND WHAT EXACTLY?!
and then it hit me... may practice ang usherettes? someone had inadvertently forgotten to inform me about this really important mazheetzkee. after grumbling a few well phrased curses, i got our house phone and called up lorsky in her celly. yes i am a mean pornobi, calling somebody real sick. but hey, i HAD to know.
took me about fifteen long seconds to accept the fact that YES, I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TAHDAY. mutti had just finished showering by then and told me to forgo the 'taking a bath part' of preparing for a day out of the house if i wanted a lift to a.a. 'magdeodorant ka na lang' she said. though irked by the thought, i had no choice. i breathed a silent prayer that i still smelled a bit pleasant, slapped on the clothes i wore to shang the day before (which still reeked of victoria's secret's strawberries and champagne), packed a few necessities (namely my compact, a lippy, my new book, a twenty peso bill--just in case i had to commute home, and a pack of trolli's strawberry puffs), and hopped into the sentra.
i was pleased to note that instead of going home at three o'clock in the afternoon, we were allowed to go home at lunch time.
so here i am...
deng...
i have consumed such humongous quantities of calories.
lipo.lipo.lipooooo.
FOO-EEEE.
~*~
"star sightings": my usherette buddies -- kate, kimi, yashi, grant, jessa, opha, sheena, domeng, wissa, and chin. twas nice hanging out with these people. looking foward (??) to seeing em tom, and the day after that, and the day after that.... SIGH.... summer na dapat di ba? hahaha. but i think tis gonna be fun tah be an usherette for the seniors' grad. uber fun. funfunfunfun. PRAMIS.
~*~
"look in my eyes
I'm jaded now whatever that means
by sharing these things
I rip my heart out
it's worth my time
whatever that means..."
-Noise and Kissed by The Used
*sigh*
good question! mwahahaha... how i wish i could have had asked this one a few hours ago when we--lorsky, tasia, inna, and i--interviewed the top 2 applicants for the different committees for the fair.
grabe! i didn't expect that it was going to be such an agonizingly long process. we were supposed to start at ten thirty, but due to unforeseen circumstances (mainly, ms sol being called away for an 'emergency' meeting) we began around eleven fifteen, a quarter of an hour later than our original plan. we finished with all the interviews at about one fifteen in the afternoon, and finished the deliberations at quarter to three .it took a bit longer than needed because we kept on straying from the topic. biruin niyo, mula sa topic ng food and drinks com head nakaabot kmi ng club manila east at bora. mwahahaha.
the three of us (inna, tasia, and i; lorra was gone by then) had a really hard time making the final decision. all the applicants had their own strengths and weaknesses. it took us more than an hour to just pick out which girls to get. pero i'm really satisfied and uber zuper OOHber happoe with next year's "line-up," i just hope those who were not so very fortunate enough to get accepted would not be ever so much bitter, instead, take it as a challenge to find another way to serve the student body. kasi really... ergg... i feel ever so much weird when people don't get the fact that the people who were placed in positions of authority got there because they really deserve it and they are the best ones for the job.
haruumm... uber funny kanina coz we were gushing about how we kept on talking about junior year in the past tense. so when we have to say the phrase 'last year' we say 'kanina' instead. mwahaha... hard to believe i actually survived to be a senior. mwahahaha.
i bumped into ate jali in school this afternoon. to say that the situation felt awkward is an understatement, and i'm sure the same goes for her too. haay...
mutti and i postponed our shang trip, we'll be going there tomorrow. i'm uber excited. hehe, ang babaw. wala lang, its been quite a long time (say, a century? mwahaha) since my last visit to the 'city' hehe. can't wait to rejoin 'civillization.'
~*~
high points of the day:
1. friend gave me a slice of my fave cake: chocochip cheesecake from chocokiss! AAWW... didn't think she'd take it seriously but she did. yehey, craving pangs have been put to rest. i love my friend. and i'm pretty sure she sorta hates me right now coz i'm not replying to any of her messages. wahaha... wala na kasi akong load. but she's with jio anyway, so i guess... :)
2. being with steph, nica, inna, and tasia - even if it was just for a short while. UBER FUN! just the sight of my friends totally turned a happy day into a happy happy happy day.
3. inna got me pasalubong from bora! black tie-dye pants! mwahaha... now i have chill pants. i.am.an.ecstatic.gurleloid.
4. finalizing the list of comheads for fair 2005-2006! yeah!!!!!! ACCOMPLISHMENT! :D
~*~
"I know three things will never be believed-the true, the probable, and the logical." --John Steinbeck
I'll probably get a copy of East of Eden. They were talking about this book in Oprah. mwahaha... sounds interesting and thought provoking. aah... to read a good book, its like feeding your soul.
*gawd, is that deep and inspiring or what?!
tuesday after classes - found out that a lotta our batchmates were migrating to canada/the states for senior year. deng. isa-isa nang umaalis ang mga taong mahalaga sa aming batch. senior year wouldn't be the same without em. and i don't even want to mention their names in this entry... parang saying their names confirms the reality that they ARE going. whether we like it or not. they're leaving. and that's that.
...ate jali talked to me after the turnover about something. needless to say, it made me bawl my eyes out. i cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. from the moment our conversation ended to the time i got to myky's house in taytay where my barkada and i were gonna freshen up before we proceeded to eastwood. all the pent up emotions i've been keeping in check for the past few weeks exploded in a furious, and crazy-assed bawl fest. chelly called me in my cellie, and we talked for a few minutes on phone. she told me some pretty disturbing things, which then prompted me to call grant. i cried some more, paused for a while, and faced my kada. twas pretty hard to hide the fact that i was uber upset, since i've been crying for ages in front of 'em. and so, for the first time, i told them the whole gory story. from the _____ to the ______ to the ________. i talked for about five minutes, non stop, with sniffles and snotcraps in between. and afterwards, they each gave their opinion, and it was over. i asked them not to think of it personally anymore. since it wasn't an issue that involved the whole kada. i don't think it'd be right or fair for all of them to be angry or mad at some people just coz those people didn't exactly exhibit the epitome of sainthood towards me.
afta all the druh-ma bubuy (myky's uber asteeg drivah) arrived, and we headed out for eastwood. when we got there, stephie met up with jus-jus (her prom date), tasia met up with kit (this guy we met in the aa xavier interaction a.k.a. AXN), and myky met up with christian bernard alias ian (her uber bait and rockin bf). so medjo nahati ung barkada sa mga lovers and sa mga WHEELERS! yeah! i love my wheelers family! nica, cel, andy, and i didn't bring dates so we founded the wheelers family! yeah!!! SINGLE PEOPLE ROCK! mwahahaha... while the lovers in eastwood did... whatever it is that lovers do, the four of us had a KTV marathon and we sang our hearts and frustrations out. hehe... which was uber fun tah do coz the activity helped us all to release all the freakin stress and tension we've been feeling. the most memorable song we sang (duh), for me, would probably be SHE BANGS! yeah!! daig pa namin si william hung! mwahahaha... complete with the weird dance moves and pitchy voices! mwahahaha... after that we went to OJ's and did, whatever it is that youthful people do in OJ's (kung hindi mo alam, wag mo nang alamin! bwahahaha). we separated from jus-jus and stephie coz they needed some 'ALONE' time to talk about somethin. by the end of the night, nadagdagan na ang pangalan ni stephanie rose lucero sa mga nilalang na may ka MU. woohoo! i'm so happy for stephie! ang cute talaga nila ni jus-jus together!!!!!! bwahahahaha.
wednesday - hmm... just slept and yawned all day. talked to chellyfriend on the phone for hours and caught up with what was happening. isang malaking STONERS DAY.
thursday - i went with mutti, vatti, lola, and talia to meet up with some relatives in san pablo. grabe... we drove for 4 hours just to eat at max and talk to some old people. WEKEK. i am ZO MEAN. ansama ko! woohoo... but seriously, i got extreme butt cramps coz of that trip. if dad wasn't such a reckless driver, i'd have died of boredom.
today - we went to las pinas to visit my cuzns and grandma. we took hazel home with us so that talia would have a play mate. GREAT. MORE KIDDIES TO BULLY. mwahahaha... nah... i lovie my sissy and coussyn!
i'm really happy that ate cheska and mutti have buried the hatchet already. GRABE. HINDI RIN NAMAN KASI MADALING TUMIRA SA ISANG BAHAY NA PINANGYAYARIHAN NG WORLD WAR III! boo-yah! oh well... i hope ate feels better soon. sana enjoy kaming lahat when we go to banahaw, sagada, and baguio. can't wait! UKAY POWER!!!
i miss my barkada, i miss friend, and i miss the tropa! grabe... the only thing that sucks about summer is that i can't be with my buds every single day. grr! ahaaay... ang corny ko! CHEESE-DOM! keso keso!
mwahahaha...
high points of the day:
1) checked my ym, saw an offline message from cams about some gig. one of the bands was: KILLINGCHINO. benta tsong. benta! mwahahaha....
2)passing by quiapo... i saw this sign board i passed aeons ago. it said: this way to timberland! gawd... i am zo zo laughable.
3)passing by the jollybee joint near luneta park. suddenly had nostalgia pangs... i miss my uncle dan...
4)GETTING A 16700 score in this new game i have in my cellie! bwahaha... isa akong mababaw na nilalang... zadly, i am aware of this fact!
5)finally being able to make my posts appear in this blog! woohoo! finally finished the basic stuff with changing my templato...
6)getting to catch up with stephie and nica. can't wait to see em on monday! can't wait to go to shang too! summer shopping!!! kahit walang pera!!!
i have a strong resolve. i no longer give a flying fudge about that issue that made me bawl out. they say you can't satisy everyone. well, this time, i really am not gonna do anything about it anymore. coz when you've given something your all, everything you've got... and it doesn't work. what else is there to give? what happens next?
"I'll leave my fears behind..." -Broken Sonnet by Hale
*i'm leaving my fears behind bebe!!!!
*deng, still cannot believe that these guys are pnoy. grabe. galing talaga ng noypi. pang internasyonal na ang ka-astigan.
just a few weeks ago i told my self that i had probably done, if not the best, at least enough...
but now...
*sigh*
~*~
a year end evaluation of my junior life...
hrmm....
perhaps the most effective way to do that is to list down the most signifcant people who have touched my life this year... and why...
so here goes a long long long list...
numero uno: GOD.
pag wala nang makausap, at hindi na alam ang gagawin... pikit lang ang mata at nandyan na. no questions asked.
#2: si friend
mapa iyakan man, dramahan, tawanan, o ututan... siyang tunay na maaasahan. haay... chelly... always there when my eyes are disintegrating into tiny slits of nothing, pagnagmumugto na ang mga mata ko't di ko na alam kung paano ibuhos sa mundo ang hinanakit ko... even though we weren't classmates this year... nadama ko... nandyan siya. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. kahit anong mangyari, hindi niya ko iiwanan. alam ko un. kasi... (SECRET!) siya ung taong unang naaalala pagnakakabasa ng mga quote na: 'what if you never met this person?' ...what if nga ba? ...i'm afraid to ask.
#3: si remedios
ang batang palagi na lang nagiinspire sa akin. she inspired me to run for office last year, and this year she encouraged me, and willed me to go on. my security blanket, my sound board, my rant mate... she'd probably be the human equivalent of the literary phrase: 'o captain my captain' for me. kasi... in times that i really have no idea what to do, and i feel as if my strength's desserting me... she's there to lend a hand, a shoulder... and all other necessary (and sometimes extremely unneccessary, if you know what i mean) body parts...
#4 si lorra
MERGWAWAH. grabe... hindi niya siguro alam kung gaano.... ka.... GRABE! ...nangyari na lahat ng misunderstanding, lahat ng hindimomaintindihangmgakababalaghansabuhayngtao... i looked up to this girl, ever since tumuntong ako ng year I... and now... i find myself looking up to her more...? WOOHOO... nababarok na ako. pero really... idol ko si lorra. bakit? kasi alam ko kahit ano mang mangyari.... hindi kami magkakawatakan. dahil naiintindihan niya kung bakit nagawa ang mga nagawa at bakit nangyari ang mga nangyari. un na yun! simula't sapul!
#5 ang fudge.
si giselle mikhaela crisostomo enriquez kaya ako ngayon kung hindi ko nakasama si nica rodriguez, andrea dela cruz, stephanie lucero, celine estrada, nastasia padilla, leonina morillo, at maika valera? ISANG MALAKING: HELL NO!
#6 ang tropa
makita ko lang ang mukha ng mga babaeng ito... enough to make a crappy day worth it. these people, though we don't get to be together that much... have earned a big place in my heart... dahil... binigyan nila ako ng puso.
#7 ang mga class head
the prom, the interaction, and all the other mashizky activities would never have had taken place kung wala tong mga gorjozity na mga ito. si camille na tinatawag kong grant my love, na parang kulang na lang ay kainin ko na. si jilli, na hango sa mga kwento niya sa buhay ay napapasaya ako dahil alam kong nariyan siya kung may kailangan man ako, si kate na nagpapaalala sa akin ng pamu days at pinapamangha ako sa kagalingan ng diyos sa mundo, at si izza... ever darling seatmate, mula sa mga linyang: lets take off our blouses, duduraan kita, at lahat na ng mga weirdly inappropriate songs sa mundo... panalong seatmate tong berbosang ito.
#8 the comheads
can't help but smile whenever i remember them... closed eyes, dito sa bahay... mukhang mga timang pero sobrang astig... service embodied and personified. they make me want to become a better person.
and #9... the batch.
stars... my guiding light... they remind me why i ran in the first place... each and every single tiring day.
:)
un muna....
kulang pa...
pero un muna...
grr...
oh well.
this too shall pass.
(i hope)
or else, i really won't ever get a decent... mwaha. can't believe i'm thinking of THAT. A.G.A.I.N.
~*~
last week of school!!!
got a shitload of projs, papers, exams, and quizzes. but what the HEY! summer's here. and i am SOOOO excited.
looks like i won't be going to the AJSS thingy. sadly, all my evil prayers for the unfortunate to befall those who passed have not been answered... so i'm still... in the waiting list.
ano ba naman yan.
palagi na lang akong pinaghihintay.
~*~
hrrmm....
nothing much to write really.
just a ton of.......................... crap.
~*~
(white chicks movie accent) like i SO totally texted chino. and he SO totally DID NOT reply! like... TOTALLY! mwahahaha.
~*~
"i starve for you..." -Dashboard Confessional, Your Happy
stupid virus.
stupid imagination.
oh... how stupified i am right now.
~*~
friend stayed over yesterday after school. her service left her because she took such a long time sorting out the medicines for this sunday's activity. we watched will and grace at etc, and edward scissorhands at star, cooing and laughing, and awwing after each colorful scene. my, my, my... edward reminds me of someone...
we also got to talk, (for the first time i think) "in person." usually we just chat over the net, or over the phone til our internet service bills are shot and our ears are red and just about ready to fall off. its nice to have a face to associate with the words that you hear or read. much easier to determine the person's mood.
hmm... i lovie my friendie. mwahaha. thanks dude, for keeping all the bad stuff away from me.
~*~
i...
won.
shucks.
i'm STILL pretty much in shock.
mergwawah.
~*~
i really feel bad for this certain group in school.
i never expected them to be so... so...
FREAKSOME.
i mean...
really?!
inaagaw?
pinapalitan?
here's somethin for you darlings:
GET-A-LIFE!
hoo-ha.
i'm a teenage drama queen?
OA?
i admit that BEFORE i was.
but then II-2 came to change all that.
reality came.
and slapped me on the face.
get to know me before you judge, dear.
kung ayaw mong sapatusin kita.
wag kang makinig dun sa source mo.
bitter lang yan.
~*~
remember the person who became important to me this high school period?
though i think of her in a different light now,
i still love her.
and i'm proud of her.
i even look up to her.
i'm sad...
naabutan niya yung whiplash.
pero...
panahon na kasi eh.
like they say in that old educational kid show bayani: kung di ngayon, kailan pa?
~*~
for all those people doubting if we're gonna be able to...
WE WILL BE ABLE TO.
don't fear.
WE WILL BE.
and tsaka... duh...
BA'T NIYO KASI KAMI... INANO?!
wachoo call stupifidity!
not everything old works best.
sometimes new things,change,
makes the world better.
~*~
we might go out today to watch constantine. [nyorks you might say. ngayon pa lang? oh well, ganyan sa bundok. mabagal ang diffusion of ideas. mwahaha.]
...not sure...
mom might be too sick to move.
actually...
me too...
so what am i doing here typing crap?
...aba malay ko.
~*~
saturday nanaman
sunday nanaman
maghihintay nanaman
para sa isang mensaheng
kahit kailan
HINDI DARATING.
pero sa katangahan
kahit alam nangwalang darating...
aba eh,
MAGHIHINTAY PA RIN.
~*~
and walang kamatayang theme song ng mga taong sawi:
i don't want to wait in vain for your love.
[pero para mas masaya, bob marley version.at least bouncy].
i SWEAR... nakakairita siya FOR LIFE. grrrrrr to the nth powerrrr!
doesn't he know HOW to pose for the camera?!
grrrr!!!
he has OFFICIALLY ruined my one and ONLY prom night.
congrats tsong!
galing mo!
yan ang tunay na pnoy!
~*~
sigh... nothin much happend today. slight incident with the british faker. something about the UP ad board not liking what i wrote.
duh.
as if he's ACTUALLY [<==use miriam defensor accent] a part of the illustrious admissions board-council-watchamacolit of the university of the philippines! mas may chansa pang maabutan ko ang second coming kaysa sa maabot ng talampakan niya ang sahig ng UP. fleaase lang! this is why i'd rather NOT take any course or program to "improve" my writing. not only will it corrupt my own sense of style, it'll just add more names to my death list. erg. the 'errors' he pointed out were, as my seatmate izza pointed out, not errors at all. he just IS SOOOO not open to any other style of writing that differs from his own 'unique' style. he dissed all our papers just coz they don't go with his own opinion or they border way outta his comfort zone. fleeeasseee lang. ~*~ i wonder... if the results for the elections would EVER be announced. [sigh] yet another night to be spent staring at the ceiling imploring God to bring in the best that there can be. ~*~ everytime i use this certain perfume... i remember he-who-must-not-be-named. san na kaya siya ngayon? american accent na kaya siya? just like that uber eccentric girl who gave us the call center talk? ...ooh... scary. ~*~ nothing to write really. totally, uneventful day.
~*~
Which of the bold face lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy
You really deserve it
This will be best for us both in the end
But your taste still lingers on my lips
Like I just placed them upon yours
And i starve
I starve for you
But this new diets liquid
And dulling to the senses
And its crude
But it will do
Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you
I've just been so busy
We'll catch up soon
Lets make it a point to
-Dashboard Confessional's Hope You're Happy
*verse one goes out to he-who-must-not-be-named-one; verse two goes out to he-who-must-not-be-named-two-grrness-for-life; chorus goes out to both jerks.
have you ever heard of the phrase.... meaningless victory? well, if ever i were blessed with the occurrence of winning the elections... i would call that event just that: a meaningless victory. you could have everybody elect you or vote you into this position. but if the person whose vote counts the most DOES not choose to choose you. well... that's it in a nutshell! ~*~
but then again, that question does, in a way, substantiate an answer, no matter how effin' illogical or senseless.
AM I EVEN ORGANIC?
a question that doubts not only the composition of man, but also, the benefits of knowing or studying such highfalutin crap.
am. i. even. organic?!
~*~
i'm in a huge quagmire (?) right now. we lack a total of P7, 555 for the payments for all our prom expenditures.
hooha.
and mikee's mom called over to smash it into my face that her daughter's been doing such a wonderful job, and i have no right to tell her that her committee overshot their budget... coz according to her... they didn't.
well guess what?
doy, they did!
rawr.
i hate stage mommas.
~*~
the results for the elections STILL have not been finalitoed. they still have to be "shown" to 'DOCTORA' Arcadio [must emphasize title. she hates it when people forget] for approval. APPROVAL?! the whole friggin high school body voted for those girls already! how much more approval do you friggin need?!
ookay... i'm turning into a raving lunatic maniaco.
[deep breaths. one. two. three.]
must acknowledge rights of formality [eyes twitch, face can't remain straight. grrr...]
~*~
we have around 4 quizzes for tomorrow. and because i AM an uber sloth, i shall sit right here, burn my butt cells, and review later.
I AM SOOOO gonna regret this.
~*~
hrrmmm...
prom pictures got in today.
may i just say that i look absolutely... faggotii?!
erg... the ugliness that is moi.
[sigh]
and it doesn't help that my escort seems to have a problem facing the camera.
mergwawah.
prom was a total fiasco... at least for moi.
MUST. NOT. GO. BACK. TO. THAT. MUST. MOVE. ON.
so.
moving on...
~*~
high points of the day:
got a perfect score in geom test. got an almost perfect [minus juan-itoe] score in english test. got to hug this really important person, whom i haven't had the chance to hug lately (Grant, my love). sneezed all over my self... for loik... a million times. ayt. 've run outta good things that happend to me.
shall we start with the bad bit?
haha.
~*~
pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade pictures fade
into tiny bits of nothing...
when the time comes.
THEY ARE NOT INFITE. THEY ARE NOT PERMANENT. sadly, THEY JUST LAST FOR A REALLLLLLYYYY REALLLLLLLYYYY LOONNNG PERIOD OF TIME.
~*~
"But it's so hard, watching you fade away,
And it's too hard, watching you fade away..."
-Marjorie Fair's Waves
~*~
yes, i have changed the color of the font for my bloggo. purple's just... insulting.
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
mwahahaha.
have YOU seen it?
poocha, dude. like, you're missing 14/15 of your life!!!
woohoo...
the best way to get over a person you once 'loved': FIND A REALLY REALLY UGLY VAIN VAIN VAIN PICTURE of him or her.
nothing extinguishes the fires of passion faster than the knowledge that your crush is an usher wannabe.
hoo yeah!
mwahahahaha.
i'm sooooooo mean.
lightning will strike me in 5, 4, 3, 2...!
>>halatang napakababaw kong tao dahil kaya akong pasayahin ng ganitong miniscule na kabagayan. OH WELL. sad sad reality! MWAHAHAHAHA. evil laugh. evil grin. evil smirk. :D
TORCH HIM!
wooh, friend! LUMILIPAD! bwahahahahaha. evil laugh. evil grin. evil smirk. mwaha.
magsama sila ni timberland! porjosporsantos! mwahahaha. evil evil evil. i am such a big meanie.
these were the words that went through my mind as i faced the young ladies that held my future in their hands: the high school body 2005-2006.
last year i was just another face in the audience, trying my best to shut up and listen to whatever it was that the students up stage were saying. i remember i only paid attention long enough to listen to inna's speech. and after that... OH WELL. mew. ^_^
the atmosphere "up there" isn't THAT different from how it feels to be "down there." time does not stand still, you don't hear your heart pounding like a maddened little thing nor do you feel your blood rushing, and your head exploding into a thousand bits and smithereens. the period of white noise does not come to you. the various sounds that the crowd makes keep on coming in, in huge waves of chaos and framazility.
so when the time came for me to deliver my short one minute speech i pretty much experienced what my seatmate izza predicted i would... NOTHING.
perhaps, the emotions switch turns on again after the whole shmonanza. and true enough, it did. right after i delivered my speech my shoulders relaxed, all the tension that i was feeling left my being, and for the first time in a few weeks, i was able to smile a REAL, SINCERE smile.
...if i don't win, and i don't become the next secretary for the scaa, i'd probably just laugh and say: woohoo! thank you Lord. i'd pat my self on the back, get ready to apply for a committee head position for the fair, and just hope for the best. and if i DO win. well... hmm...
i honestly don't know what would happen.
hmm...
:)
~*~
its been a week and two days since j's night. and still... my cellphone emits the soundofthedead. ergo: no sound. no message. no happy bappy dappy sweet nothings.
OH. WELL.
~*~
Called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
Picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
Saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad
Dreams last so long
Even after you're gone
I know, that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Go about my business,
I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day
Brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick up a book,
Turn the sheets down
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pj's and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
-Jewel's You Were Meant for Me
hmm...
things have been going well... considering the fact that my schedule's uber full again.
grr...
hmm...
nothing to say.
...so this is what being sad is all about.
...i almost forgot.
funny how the same person elicits the same hurtful feelings...
over and over
and over
again.
its been quite a while since the last time i was given the chance to just sit back, relax and ponder over the events of the past coupl'a weeks.
chaotic. frazzled. soup-ie. words that sum up and accurately describe the utter shiteness that has been my life lately.
i'm having a hard time just keeping my head up. gawd! i don't want to go to school anymore! i fall into a deep trance the moment i get in the van every school day morning. i'm barely myself in school, and i stare into space til the final bell rings, signaling the end of yet another morose and mundane day.
sigh...
agh...
i really hate this feeling.
na maraming tao ang galit sayo.
kahit na wala ka namang sinasadyang gawin.
gawd.
~*~
the official campaign period for this year's scaa elections ended today. we'll be having the meeting de avance on monday, ssrrrm period. i can't say that i'm getting the jitters or that i'm getting totally nervous. i feel kinda numb towards this issue. not only coz its been ever so stressful, but also... because it has jeopardized and tarnished my friendship with a person that has meant a lot to me ever since the beginning of high school... i don't know what's wrong with her, but for some reason, she does not treat me the same way anymore as before. oh well...
...went out with fudge today to celebrate leonin's bday. we made a detour in myky's house to get a few things, and went straight to UP after classes. we arrived around six thirty at the Bahay ng Alumni, sat around, waited for our names to be called to get seats at Chocolate Kiss. hmm... no wonder my sister loves eating in that resto. there food's totally fabbity fab! WOOHOO! i think i gained back all the weight i shed before the prom. TOTAL PIG OUT, DUDES! i ate: a plate of carbonara w/ buttered garlic bread, a serving of hickory spareribs w/ garlic onion mashed potato, and a bowl of mushroom soup. in addition to these... i had nibbles and bites off my friends' desserts. got a taste of a thousand kinds of cakes... mwahaha.
after eating at chockiss we went to the film center where we viewed a few scenes of this spanish indie art flick. yeah! free admission! muchos kewloe! i soooo love UP! i hope i pass the UPCAT... really can't think of any other school i'd like to go to.
the only weird thing that happend was while we were on our way to the stat building. we were walking along the road when this red card drove past and a freak from inside shouted: hey! and we were like... whatever, shut your face!!! we all just decided to let em slide and we walked faster. then suddenly, the car started going on reverse and we were like.............. shooot!!! mergwawah! hehehe.
but... needless to say, the freaks left us alone. and now... i'm at home... with tasia... watching my best friend's wedding for the nth time. yeah... the lonely hearts club. mwahahaha.
i had a lot of fun hanging out with my kada. just letting loose and letting go of everything else that's been haunting my mind for the past few weeks... grabe... god is great!
by tomorrow morning, reality would once again regain its grasp on my fragile being. but hey... the moon's still up, and the sun's still a hundred light years from oblivion.
...i'll dance the night away... and wish real hard... that i wake up to find a different something in this world, and me...
~*~
I tried to tell myself that I'd be over you in a week or two
But baby that was 'bout a year ago
I've never seen the word love so personified as I do with you
And that is why I just can't let go, oh no
-Joss Stone's Spoiled
i am tired.
i am drained.
and i am most definitely weary.
this nagging sensation of utter fear and paranoia is eating up my being. i live in a state of limbo, where everything is but a blur that passes me by.
i am scared.
all the little tidbits and idiosyncrasies that make up my life are escaping and slipping from my grasp one by one.
in no time, i will be left with nothing to hold on to... but a hollow emptiness that will haunt me from now to eternity.
~*~
i was NOT able to attend the medical dental mission meeting today.
for some INSANE reason i was not aware of the meeting this afternoon with the faculty and student volunteers... and therein lies the million dollar question: "WHAT FUCKING MEETING??!"
yes, sadly, there WAS a meeting. and sadly i WAS MUCHOS MUCHOS ignoramoe.
haay...
what's done IS done, she says. yuf... an affirmation of the shite-ness that is: GISELLE MIKHAELA CRISOSTOMO ENRIQUEZ.
the bamboo is resilient,
i AM not the bamboo.
~*~
put me to sleep.
~*~
Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could
Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
-Alanis Morissette's So Unsexy
~*~
happy thought of the day:
>it's inna's happy birthday!
>i'm talkin to chelly friend right now... wala lang. hindi pa naman siya nagsasawa sa aking kagaguhan. is ayt! mwahaha. toh talaga, may crush kay MARK LESTER PERALTA. woohoo. talk about jologoness. mwahaha. loveyoufriend.
definitely no longer searching for utopia, an ergaslophobic student and aspiring thespian, a true blue Filipina and Assumptionist, existing in a state of utter discombobulation, *BROKE*, and fattening myself up in time for the next human sacrifice ritual in tondo, manila...
Stars and Nebulas
aLi
bea
cathy
caMs
[[twinstaR]]
[[fRienD]]
kaTrina
gaDDi
iSSa
jOnesie
[[myky]]
[[nica]]
pam
[[stephie]]
synty
[[tasia]]
trizza
wissa
Flight
Alanis Morissette
Carbon Stereoxide Studio Notes
Cold Play
Dashboard Confessional
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Haruki Murakami
Milk&Cereal
Miss Saigon
Paulo Coelho
Rent - the Musicale
Shawn Mullins
System of a Down
The Simpsons
The Sims
The Used
::Credits::
Image By:
|j3concepts|
Layout By:
|Niknoi|
||December 2004
|January 2005
|February 2005
|March 2005
|April 2005
|May 2005
|June 2005
==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==
life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...
so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.
let's limbo!
change is the only constant thing in life.
though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.
it is survival. it is evolution.
but then again,
what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?
what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?
how do we cope?
how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?
how do we stop misery?
how do we prolong happiness?
with a four millimeter bullet?
with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?
with prayer?
i don't know.
i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.
and i'm sure,
neither can you.
and it scares me.
it scares us.
that this we cannot understand.
everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.
but this,
this simple shift of light and darkness,
this slight distinction,
this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.
this indescribable phenomena.
this we cannot even begin to grasp.
illogical, senseless, strange, odd.
fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.
what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?
what is the real root? the common cause?
perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.
to not understand.
to be left in the dark.
doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.
this simplistic issue.
never to find a way to evolve around it.
but perhaps.... in this case,
evolution is not survival.
for if you can just grin and bear it.
take it for what it is.
let go of the logic behind it.
perhaps then, survival is possible.
change is not imperative.
accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.
