whispers and other such inconspicuous things

Somewhere Along Limbo compassion - antipathy // animosity - love // redemption - down fall // truth - lies // shame - glory // happiness - dolor // significant - trivial // sophisticated - childlike // jaded - brighteyed // naive - cynical // vivid - vague // reality - fiction...

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

let me see your insides...

its 2:15 p.m.

i just finished eating my kfc lunch with mutti and ate cheska. they brought home fast-food food coz we didn't have decent life enhancers here at home.

SIGH.

is it hot or what?!

i'm glad i didn't have to stay in school for long. yup, got that right, SCHOOL.

had to haul my ass up at a.a. this morning for the seniors' grad practice. nobody told me about it so i was still lazing around my room by eight o'clock, whence my dearest ever so lovely mutti promptly came barging into my room pestering me to join her and her... not so young buddies to play badminton, effectively rousing me from stupor. IF THERE'S ONE FORM OF EXERCISE I DETEST... its BADMINTON. i.so.totally.suck. after telling mom to get outta my room and leave me in peace for the nth time, i reached for my phone and was startled to see that i had 3 messages. one came from chelly asking if i was up, another from jj who was also asking if i was still conscious, and the last one came from lorsky, asking me to relay a message to ate marie. it went somethin like: please tell ate marie that i won't be able to attend later, i'm sick bla-bla-blah... and i'm like... wachooo say? ATTEND WHAT EXACTLY?!

and then it hit me... may practice ang usherettes? someone had inadvertently forgotten to inform me about this really important mazheetzkee. after grumbling a few well phrased curses, i got our house phone and called up lorsky in her celly. yes i am a mean pornobi, calling somebody real sick. but hey, i HAD to know.
took me about fifteen long seconds to accept the fact that YES, I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TAHDAY. mutti had just finished showering by then and told me to forgo the 'taking a bath part' of preparing for a day out of the house if i wanted a lift to a.a. 'magdeodorant ka na lang' she said. though irked by the thought, i had no choice. i breathed a silent prayer that i still smelled a bit pleasant, slapped on the clothes i wore to shang the day before (which still reeked of victoria's secret's strawberries and champagne), packed a few necessities (namely my compact, a lippy, my new book, a twenty peso bill--just in case i had to commute home, and a pack of trolli's strawberry puffs), and hopped into the sentra.

i was pleased to note that instead of going home at three o'clock in the afternoon, we were allowed to go home at lunch time.

so here i am...

deng...

i have consumed such humongous quantities of calories.

lipo.lipo.lipooooo.

FOO-EEEE.

~*~

"star sightings": my usherette buddies -- kate, kimi, yashi, grant, jessa, opha, sheena, domeng, wissa, and chin. twas nice hanging out with these people. looking foward (??) to seeing em tom, and the day after that, and the day after that.... SIGH.... summer na dapat di ba? hahaha. but i think tis gonna be fun tah be an usherette for the seniors' grad. uber fun. funfunfunfun. PRAMIS.

~*~

"look in my eyes
I'm jaded now whatever that means
by sharing these things
I rip my heart out
it's worth my time
whatever that means..."
-Noise and Kissed by The Used

Dream Sequence Terminated at 2:38:00 PM ===::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::===

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==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==

life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...

so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.

let's limbo!

change is the only constant thing in life.

though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.

it is survival. it is evolution.

but then again,

what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?

what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?

how do we cope?

how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?

how do we stop misery?

how do we prolong happiness?

with a four millimeter bullet?

with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?

with prayer?

i don't know.

i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.

and i'm sure,

neither can you.

and it scares me.

it scares us.

that this we cannot understand.

everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.

but this,

this simple shift of light and darkness,

this slight distinction,

this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.

this indescribable phenomena.

this we cannot even begin to grasp.

illogical, senseless, strange, odd.

fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.

what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?

what is the real root? the common cause?

perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.

to not understand.

to be left in the dark.

doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.

this simplistic issue.

never to find a way to evolve around it.

but perhaps.... in this case,

evolution is not survival.

for if you can just grin and bear it.

take it for what it is.

let go of the logic behind it.

perhaps then, survival is possible.

change is not imperative.

accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.