whispers and other such inconspicuous things

Somewhere Along Limbo compassion - antipathy // animosity - love // redemption - down fall // truth - lies // shame - glory // happiness - dolor // significant - trivial // sophisticated - childlike // jaded - brighteyed // naive - cynical // vivid - vague // reality - fiction...

Thursday, May 19, 2005

...death by dehydration - a deluge of tears and dolor...

19th of may 2005 - forty five minutes after the seventeenth hour of the day
what's on the idiot box? : meteor garden (yes, i am obscenely addicted to sappy chinovelas)
what's blaring over the sound waves? : love alone by caedmon's call
where am i? : hrmm... let's try, the frigid depths of hell perhaps?
where am i physically? : home (where supposedly, the heart resides)

CRAP.

ain't reality such a party pooper??

i was supposed to go to three gimmicks this week: starwars3 with ahiya earl, lunch and movie with the kada and twin, and overnight at my best friend's house. here's what happend:

gimmick number 1: doomed from the very start. ahiya earl texted me sometime late last night asking me whether i could go with him to watch starwars in gateway. i knew that there was no way in hell that my mother and father would allow me to go in such short notice so i kidded around and told ahiya earl: basta ba ipaalam mo ko sa parental units (both of them, by the way, seem to have reached the menopausal stage. YES. even vatti.), at ihatid sundo mo ko dito sa bundoks. AND HE SAID AYT. oh well... it seemed too good to be true anyway. vatti nearly ate my head off when i told him about it. so there. short lived moment of happiness.

gimmick number 2: i had at least hoped that my father would hear me out on this one. but of course, being the paranoid (yet very loving) father that he is... he said NO even before i had the opportunity to open my mouth to tell him about this gimmick. actually, he told me to choose between my sunday lakad and this one... and being the very loving friend that i am, i chose to stick with the sunday lakad since that one came first.

gimmick number 3: EVERYTHING. and i mean EVERYTHING seemed to be all set already. i had asked my parents a week in advance for permission to sleep over chelly's house saturday night, then sunday morning til afternoon i'd go to the manila polo club with her to watch her soccer game(s). mutti had already said YES, even vatti seemed to be ayt with the idea. but HEY... reality's a bitch right? ...hindi na daw tuloy ung game.

so here i am left with nothing much to look forward to for the next few days. GREAT.

~*~

boy... do i feel like crap right now or what?!

have you ever felt so god damned unhappy that you wanted to tear all your hair out and jump off a building?!

yup.

CRAP.

right.

Dream Sequence Terminated at 5:45:00 PM ===::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::===

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==:::A Few Friendly Reminders from your Resident Sane Psycho:::==

life is an unequivocally fast paced string of events, where the essence of a lifetime can be captured in a single breath, love can develop in a second, and where a long journey can feel like just another ride in the metro rail...

so put on your pink tinted glasses, wear your cheesiest smile. life's too short and much too precious to waste with the frivolities of a shallow existence.

let's limbo!

change is the only constant thing in life.

though it is most difficult to cope with change, we must.

it is survival. it is evolution.

but then again,

what if this change is brought about by paranormal sensations and emotions, unforeseen circumstances, hormonal imbalances, and... the weather?

what if this change is caused by things that are not things. forces that are immaterial?

how do we cope?

how do we end the relentless and crazed see-saw of intense emotions churning deep within us?

how do we stop misery?

how do we prolong happiness?

with a four millimeter bullet?

with a cup of peppermint-tasting cyanide?

with prayer?

i don't know.

i can't even begin to pretend to know, or to comprehend.

and i'm sure,

neither can you.

and it scares me.

it scares us.

that this we cannot understand.

everything else --science, mathematics, ratios, proportions, wars, peace talks, chocolate sprinkles and gum drops, ponies and rabbits, Nobel awards-- we know.

but this,

this simple shift of light and darkness,

this slight distinction,

this sudden rearranging of matter, molecules, and sensations.

this indescribable phenomena.

this we cannot even begin to grasp.

illogical, senseless, strange, odd.

fleeting, momentous, gargantuan, colossal.

what is the meaning behind this change in mood? in feeling?

what is the real root? the common cause?

perhaps we have been doomed to be this way.

to not understand.

to be left in the dark.

doomed to be able to adapt with everything else but this simple swing.

this simplistic issue.

never to find a way to evolve around it.

but perhaps.... in this case,

evolution is not survival.

for if you can just grin and bear it.

take it for what it is.

let go of the logic behind it.

perhaps then, survival is possible.

change is not imperative.

accepting is a prerogative, the answer, the key.